I remember the day we drafted Speedgeek to join Grab Bag Sports. That day, he became one of us. But first, oh yes, he had to endure the toughest of hazing rituals. I can't even say everything that went down that day, because I don't want to end up like Richie Incognito being interviewed on FOX by Jay Glazer. But I'll give you some of the highlights.
- You think a $15,000 Vegas trip is bad? I made Speedgeek get me five bottles of Mexican Coke and a six-pack of Abita Purple Haze. This team isn't free, guys. You gotta pay to play.
- I'm not saying we beat him with coin-filled socks or anything, but we did take him for a little ride... on Mushroom Gorge. I was constantly knocking him off of mushrooms into the deep black abyss, while Wedge blue-shelled the crap out of him any time he actually took a lead. You think this is a game? Do you? Cause it's not.
- I sent him this one text that was basically like, "Dude, your fantasy team is winning a lot of games, but I hope I'm lucky enough to pull out a victory against you this weekend." I didn't hold back. It was pretty rough, but it's what I had to do.
Bottom line, we eventually let him on the ship, but we didn't wait for him at the dock. I don't even know what that means. But now I want some Purple Haze.